Here is an odd circumstance, either promising or unsettling depending on how I look at it - as I begin to investigate where to live when I return to my hometown, I find that the exact same apartment I lived in several years ago is once more available.
A good thing or a bad thing? I loved living in this place, and moved out primarily due to rising rent. It now costs about 33% more than it did when I lived there. Still, it is a very nice apartment, other than the somewhat noisy neighborhood it is in, as well as its remoteness from...well, almost anything, including grocery stores (about a 2km walk).
This is an easy, familiar, readily-available option. It would solve a lot of logistical problems of my return immediately. What does it do about my higher-order problems, though? The idea of signing a lease here raises in me fears of regression. The sense that I am walking backward down a path that I have already worn smooth. Am I not supposed to advance from where I am into a different and/or better future? Isn't literally returning to where I came from going backward?
One simple thing that would profoundly mitigate this decision - something I have learned in the course of my journey that I really want right now - is regular company. I recognize that this will come with its own challenges, but I think it would be very nice to have a roommate (and, by the way, if a 2 bedroom apartment were to become available in this complex where my old apartment is available, the per-person cost would be about 20% less than what I used to pay there). It would be an economic, social, and perhaps even spiritual improvement over my current set of options, which seems to be:
- Live exactly where I used to live, exactly how I used to live (alone)
- Live in a different city (or country!), exactly how I used to live (alone)
- Hopscotch from friend's house to friend's house, which operates at best as a delaying tactic and during which time I must nevertheless resolve a number of lingering clerical and financial concerns.
I still need to find work, rescue my possessions from a storage unit, and move forward with my life. I especially need to move forward with my life. This epic trip was meant to be phase one - now I just need to figure out a phase two.
i say NO to the old apt, as nice as it may be. And i propose Airbnb and couch surfing as a great way to take a few weeks to search for home, housemate and job!
ReplyDeleteI don't know I tend to lean towards yes (or at least serious consideration) in situations like this. I think life has this cyclical nature when we have learned a particular lesson and get a chance to change course. I've had few scenarios present in my life that seemed like oh maybe I'm just "redoing the same thing" but ended up being completely different given the new information I had. Be it about myself or otherwise. Maybe the universe is bringing you that opportunity for a reason? Or maybe it won't work out anyway and it's here so that you know for sure that's not your path. Just because you live in your apartment alone does not mean you have to live your life alone. It only means you need to change the behaviors you had before. Think on it and self reflect. You will find your way, whatever you decide 😊
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